17 years since I lost my dad.. and with him most of the memories and stories of my mom who had already passed away, and I said goodbye to the person I thought I’d marry.

I didn’t do any reflecting on my 35th birthday and honestly it’s because I often feel immature. I still struggle with so many things I don’t see people I respect struggling with. I make voice over reels for goodness sake (which feels the most silly thing).

But then I see this picture and I remember that year and that girl. While most 18 year olds were dreaming about college and future careers and going to socials and working at summer camp … I was already desperately dreaming of heaven.

It took six years before I could even imagine getting married to someone who would never know my parents. Six years till I could face marrying someone who would never know the ME before they died. There were a lot of dark nights. And while I did, eventually, open my heart again to loving someone this side of heaven, that’s not why I wanted to share it. I wanted to instead say that,

Joy is not the absence of darkness.

But it is the absence of hopelessness.

There is One who was and is intimately aquatinted with all of my pain (and yours). Who knew me then and knows me now and while He did not choose to physically heal my parents bodies He did choose to die to heal their hearts… and mine. So that the hope of eternity with Him (and each other) could be written on our hearts.

Grief this side of heaven knows no bounds.

The good news of the gospel is that it ends this side of heaven. The good news of the gospel is that He died so we could leave it all here – and that hope gives life to joy in the waiting.